Journaling: What's missing?

Today (more precisely, yesterday, but in terms of sleep cycles, today), I slept in until noon. I then sat around doing nothing more productive than checking my e-mail and reading the news until I went to work. I worked pretty mindlessly for 4 hours, then came home. I watched some TV online while I ate dinner, then went back to aimlessly surfing the internet, reading manga, webcomics, Facebook, the usual suspects.

I want to say I'm in favor of time-wasting bullshit like that sometimes, and that it's satisfying in small doses, but really, I can't think of much value to any of it. I don't really gain anything from it, not even enjoyment, really. The only good part of it is that I'm at the computer for most of it, so I can talk to Bill. That much, though, isn't enough; I love him and all, but frankly, I'd rather just talk on the phone more and escape my computer for about 80% more of the time. This isn't a problem for him, I've done it before. The big problem is just finding things to do. I need to be busy, but I'm concerned about getting too busy and neglecting the things that need to be done (i.e. job-hunting). Worse, finding things to do, or doing the things that need doing (or using the word 'things' any more often), requires motivation and structure, both of which I'm disturbingly unpracticed at creating for myself.

I want less sleep, more action, less being tired, more being energized about life and all it has to offer. I'm so sick of finishing a week, or a day, and thinking, "Wow, I've gained absolutely nothing from this." I want to feel urgency and passion for what I'm doing and what I've done... but I don't know how. I really just don't. I don't want to be pessimistic about the world, but somehow I keep coming back to two things: I'm terrified of just about everything, and I'm not passionate enough about anything to overcome either that terror or the general apathy that seems to settle around me. I hate that it's been years, if not a lifetime, since someone asked me, "what do you want to do?" and I knew exactly what I wanted to do, either in the future or in the activities of the present.