Journaling: Working life - (written 1/25/08)

It’s a mighty strange place I find myself in lately. First off, I’m very happy with the way things are: good job, good friends/roommates, and an amazing boyfriend. I have a nice little routine going that gets me decent walking exercise every day and time in the evening for more if I so desire, and while that works well, I think it’s the routine of it that bothers me. I’m noticing more and more lately just how easy it is to spend your life on a full-time job. My current workday, with commute included, comes to roughly 11 hours, leaving me with, usually, 6.5 hours of non-sleep time. It seems like a lot when I put it in writing/do the math, but really, I feel like my free time slips away so quickly. I haven’t been able to make good progress on any of the 4 or 5 books I’m in the midst of. I guess what I’m saying is that I feel like I’m lacking excitement in many ways. Yeah, I get to do some cool stuff and have a lot of fun times, but I get antsy when I’m at work all day. I want to get out and do things, lots of things – everything from concerts and plays to bowling to random forays into the park. Some things just have to wait til summer, I know, but other things just haven’t been happening. This weekend is a sweet little mini road-trip to Josh’s place, so that should beef up the excitement a little.

I had a dream a while back that freaked me out. I was talking to Neena Dhouni, of all people (a girl from my high school; the valedictorian, actually), and she asked me, “How’s life?” and I responded with perfect sincerity, “Boring.” Now, this was just a dream, and I wasn’t even bored at the time, but it struck me that much of the time I am. I’m in young. I’m in college. I should be out doing fun stuff, especially if I have no homework to be done. It frustrates me that I spend so much of my time not doing anything particularly constructive, but, on the other hand, I also worry that maybe I’m just being overly critical of my social life because it’s not like everyone else’s – I mean, when it comes down to it, I enjoy myself a lot when I’m just hanging around the apartment with Jake, Jessie, Marcelius, Rachel, and Josh (and obviously very much so with Bill), so why mess with things. I guess I just feel like having adventures, not necessarily dangerous or crazy ones, but things that are out of the ordinary and can be described by more than some form of the phrase “hang out.”

Regardless of mild restlessness, I can’t believe how much has changed in the last year and how much better everything seems. I haven’t solved every problem I think I have, but I’ve made progress and that’s something that’s often lost on me.